I am going to enter the diaries I've been writing for my son word for word, from the beginning....
Saturday April 8, 1989:
Hello me!
It was just a week and 2 days ago that I took that home pregnancy test in the McDonalds bathroom and discovered I was pregnant. I'm happy, but more than that, I'm scared! I keep expecting to find out that this is all a mistake; the nausea, painful and swollen breasts and the lack of a period. I have an appointment to go to the Doctor in less than 2 weeks and i am so afraid he is going to glare at me and say: 'I'm sorry but, you're not pregnant, go throw away the bassinett, changing table and clothes you've already bought,; Ha Ha'!
But, how could it be wrong? What about this tiny little knot I feel at the base of my belly? I've never really truly been pregnant to the point that I was going to have a baby! A real, living, breathing, being! Produced by mine and Mike's love.
I went to see Jill and Chris for the first time in 8 months. They're living at his parents again. It looks to me like they're doing drugs again, (or still) and I'm sorry for them, but hopefully they'll grow out of it!
I had to drop Chemistry. Mostly because of the nausea and exhaustion but also because I was doing so badly that I would have had to repeat it anyways.
Well, not much else to say, I don't do much these days, I just can't seem to function normally, so I spend most of my time sitting or laying down.
Sunday April 9, 1989
Good evening, I'm sitting here in my rocker watching T.V., which is all I seem able to do anymore, waiting for Mike to come home from the Army. He's late, as usual, and he will more than likely be drunk, as usual! Oh well!
Tami and I went to Church with Mom today. It was the Church of Religious Science, pretty different, but the people were all friendly. Jason went to Church on the Bus with his friends.. But, I think from now on he should go to Church with me, kind of like a family thing, only without Mike, because he refuses to go to Church. But, I really wish he would, it would be great for all of us to do something together once a week!
Especially praising God together! Another: Oh Well! lol
I can't wait until I'm 4 months along and don't have to worry as much and hopefully wont be so sick anymore!
Til' next time.....
Me
Thursday April 13, 1989
I went to see Dr. Prakash today. It was pretty uneventful. He did a exam and said my uterus was smaller than he would expect for 6 weeks pregnant, took some blood and said goodbye! Now, I have to wait another day to get confirmation that I'm even pregnant. Although, I have so many symptoms, I still wont be positive until I hear it from a Doctor.
Jay goofed again today and we just don't know what to do with him. He put a lit candle underneath a friends' bed. He is so lucky it didn't catch the place on fire! I'm about to pull my hair out!
Til' later.....
Me
Friday April 14, 1989 9:30 pm
I called the Doctor's office for the results of the blood test; I am pregnant!!!! and it appears that everything is O.K.!
I'm happy, really I am, but afraid too. What if I wont be a good mother to this baby? I know I'm not good with Jay, I wish I were but, I have to face the facts!
Til' later....
Me
Wednesday April 19, 1989 8:45 a.m.
Hello! I'm sitting outside this gorgeous Arizona morning, at my Grandmothers'. I've been here since monday. I came by bus to spend the week with Grandma and then Mike and Jay will drive down friday, then we'll all leave on sunday.
It is so peaceful here. I feel so much better, already. Of course I still have morning sickness. But, it's nowhere near as severe as it was back home.
I'm thinking that maybe all of the added stress was making it that much worse. I don't throw up, luckily, just feel incredibly nauseated!
Sometimes, I wish I could stay here for good. I couldn't leave Mike if I had to!
Til' later....
Me
Saturday April 29, 1989 9:45 p.m.
Diary to my unborn child;
Dear Baby;
Daddy came home from the car wash this morning and told me he saw a yard sale with baby things that he wanted to take me to, so I got dressed, and we went. We bought $23.00 worth of the cutest clothes for you! Only if you're not a girl, most of them will have to go because the people who had the yard sale have a little girl, oh well! There will always be other yard sales!
As of tomorrow, I'll be 9 weeks pregnant, which means I only have 3 more weeks of worrying before I'm sure that you're o.k.!
Not much else new is going on, I spend all day sick and usually go to bed pretty early, so life is pretty boring. I'll be so happy when you are here to change the monotony!
Til' next time....
Me
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