Blue Diary-May, June, July 1989

Excerpts from the Blue Diary:

Tuesday May 9, 1989 10:30 pm

Hello!  Sorry I haven't written in a while but, as tired and 'Icky' as I've been feeling lately, I haven't had the gumption to do much of anything.

Last night was pretty exciting:  Aunt Tami and Uncle David got married.  It was kind of last minute, we all;

Me, your dad, Jay, Nana, Tami & David, went to the 'Outpost' Wedding chapel and Uncle Dallas & Aunt Lisa met us there.  It was really very sweet.  I just hope it lasts forever.

Tomorrow is our second doctor's appointment, I hope everything goes allright.  I'm just starting to believe you're really inside of me and I'm getting attached.  I would hate for something to go wrong!

I'll just pray nothing does!

Until later.....

Me

Thursday May 11, 1989 10:15pm

I went to the Doctor's yesterday, everything was fine.  Dr. Prakash felt my Uterus and said that you're the right size for a 2 1/2 month fetus.  Yes, you're a fetus now.  As of the 9th week, you are no longer an embryo, I'm so happy!  But, I'm still a little worried because the Dr. couldn't hear your heartbeat.  But, he didn't seem too concerned.  He said we should be able to hear it on my next  visit in 4 weeks, then you'll be 3 1/2 months gestation.

Unfortunately, your Dad will leave for summer camp with the Army Nat'l Guard the day before the next appointment on the 8th of June, but there will be plenty of time for him to hear you!

We went to Jason's open house at School today, he's doing pretty good!

Gotta go now, baby I'm getting pretty tired!

Me

Sunday May 21, 1989 10:30 a.m.

Hello! Nothing spectacular happening these days.  We went to McMahan's yesterday and bought a new dinette set, it's really nice w/6 camel-colored chairs and a wood formica finish. I'm sure you'll get to know this table for years to come.  (I don't remember whatever happened to that table lol)

My belly is getting bigger and bigger all the time.  It's starting twito make  my back hurt a lot, oh well! I'll live!

Today is the start of our 3rd month and so far, so good! I hope everything is o.k. with you, but I guess I'll find out soon enough!

Love,

Mom

Thursday June 8th, 1989

Today was a very special day for me.  It was the day I came to realize that "Pregnant" is more than just a word.  It's life! Your life!  Nana and my friend Marilyn came with me to the Doctor's.  As soon as he placed the fetalscope on my belly,  your heartbeat could be heard loud and clear.  That was the moment I really realized you exist!  I wish Dad could have been there!

After Marilyn and I walked around the Mall and I bought you a yellow & white giraffe rattle.

I Love You,  Baby!

Mommy

Saturday July 1, 1989  7:00 p.m.  4 1/2 months (18 weeks)

Hello Baby!  I'm starting to feel you move and kick now.  Today, I put my stethoscope on my belly to try and hear your heartbeat, but, I couldn't.  But, when I pressed it to a certain spot, you started kicking the can stethoscope!  Hard too! LOL!  Oh! I can hardly wait till you get here, I want to hold you, cuddle you and feed you so bad!  I had a dream that you were a pretty little girl with reddish hair and I was feeding you, it was so real that I woke up and started looking for you in the bassinet.  This Thursday is another Drs. appointment, I'm really hoping and praying that Daddy will be able to come this time.  If he doesn't, I will really be hurt!

Until next time....

Love,

Mommy

The Blue Diary- April 1989

I am going to enter the diaries I've been writing for my son word for word, from the beginning....

Saturday April 8, 1989:

Hello me!

It was just a week and 2 days ago that I took that home pregnancy test in the McDonalds bathroom and discovered I was pregnant.  I'm happy, but more than that, I'm scared!  I keep expecting to find out that this is all a mistake; the nausea, painful and swollen breasts and the lack of a period.  I have an appointment to go to the Doctor in less than 2 weeks and i am so afraid he is going to glare at me and say: 'I'm sorry but, you're not pregnant, go throw away the bassinett, changing table and clothes you've already bought,; Ha Ha'!

But, how could it be wrong?  What about this tiny little knot I feel at the base of my belly?  I've never really truly been pregnant to the point that I was going to have a baby!  A real, living, breathing, being!  Produced by mine and Mike's love.

I went to see Jill and Chris for the first time in 8 months.  They're living at his parents again.  It looks to me like they're doing drugs again, (or still) and I'm sorry for them, but hopefully they'll grow out of it!

I had to drop Chemistry.  Mostly because of the nausea and exhaustion but also because I was doing so badly that I would have had to repeat it anyways.

Well, not much else to say, I don't do much these days, I just can't seem to function normally, so I spend most of my time sitting or laying down.

Me

Sunday April 9, 1989

Good evening, I'm sitting here in my rocker watching T.V., which is all I seem able to do anymore, waiting for Mike to come home from the Army.  He's late, as usual, and he will more than likely be drunk, as usual! Oh well!

Tami and I went to Church with Mom today.  It was the Church of Religious Science, pretty different, but the people were all friendly.  Jason went to Church on the Bus with his friends..  But, I think from now on he should go to Church with me, kind of like a family thing, only without Mike, because he refuses to go to Church.  But, I really wish he would, it would be great for all of us to do something together once a week!

Especially praising God together!  Another: Oh Well! lol

I can't wait until I'm 4 months along and don't have to worry as much and hopefully wont be so sick anymore!

Til' next time.....

Me

Thursday April 13, 1989

I went to see Dr. Prakash today. It was pretty uneventful.  He did a exam and said my uterus was smaller than he would expect for 6 weeks pregnant, took some blood and said goodbye!  Now, I have to wait another day to get confirmation that I'm even pregnant.  Although, I have so many symptoms, I still wont be positive until I hear it from a Doctor.

Jay goofed again today and we just don't know what to do with him.  He put a lit candle underneath a friends' bed.  He is so lucky it didn't catch the place on fire!  I'm about to pull my hair out!

Til' later.....

Me

Friday April 14, 1989 9:30 pm

I called the Doctor's office for the results of the blood test; I am pregnant!!!! and it appears that everything is O.K.!

I'm happy, really I am, but afraid too.  What if I wont be a good mother to this baby?  I know I'm not good with Jay, I wish I were but, I have to face the facts!

Til' later....

Me

Wednesday April 19, 1989 8:45 a.m.

Hello! I'm sitting outside this gorgeous Arizona morning, at my Grandmothers'.  I've been here since monday.  I came by bus to spend the week with Grandma and then Mike and Jay will drive down friday, then we'll all leave on sunday.

It is so peaceful here. I feel so much better, already.  Of course I still have morning sickness.  But, it's nowhere near as severe as it was back home.

I'm thinking that maybe all of the added stress was making it that much worse.  I don't throw up, luckily, just feel incredibly nauseated!

Sometimes, I wish I could stay here for good.  I couldn't leave Mike if I had to!

Til' later....

Me

Saturday April 29, 1989 9:45 p.m.

Diary to my unborn child;

Dear Baby;

Daddy came home from the car wash this morning and told me he saw a yard sale with baby things that he wanted to take me to, so I got dressed, and we went.  We bought $23.00 worth of the cutest clothes for you!  Only if you're not a girl, most of them will have to go because the people who had the yard sale have a little girl, oh well!  There will always be other yard sales!

As of tomorrow, I'll be 9 weeks pregnant, which means I only have 3 more weeks of worrying before I'm sure that you're o.k.!  

Not much else new is going on, I spend all day sick and usually go to bed pretty early, so life is pretty boring.  I'll be so happy when you are here to change the monotony!

Til' next time....

Me

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