Dated: January 18th 2009:
I'm at this place in life that is far darker than anywhere I've ever been before. On the one hand; I feel this all encompassing, heavy blackness, of which I have no power over. On the other hand; is an almost electric sense of fear coarsing throughout my body.
The reason I added this last entry was to show the change in me over the past year +.
Monday March 1, 2010 10:00 a.m.
Hello Sweetheart!
Today makes the 8th day I've been living in this Foster Home in Junction City. I haven't seen you since January 8th-2 whole months! I miss you so much it hurts!
Especially, not hearing a word from you or about you. You're never on the family site, which was set up for you by the way. You don't call, ever!
Do you ever think of me? Are you mad at me for giving up the apartment?
If you only knew how much less stress I feel away from there, you wouldn't be angry with me. Even though Jake and Ashley helped me so very much, having them there pushed my stress & anxiety levels beyond my limits.
Rossi said a little hello to me on the site a week ago, but nothing about you!
This place is very nice and I already feel at home. I'm surrounded by God's beauty and I love that!
Wednesday March 24, 2010
Hello Sweetheart!
You wouldn't believe the change in me! Due to having to go outside and smoke, I'm actually tan for the first time in 9 years! And I smoke much less. I feel much better emotionally too. Knowing that you're working hard to support yourself makes me feel so proud! I still wish I could hear from you more, though.
Now that I sold the T.V. and know that you'll be able to get a phone on the 1st helps alot! I just hope you save enough minutes to talk to me once a week!
All of your life I knew it was a possibility that you might move away when you grew up, but, honestly, I just didn't think you would! I always saw our relationship as closer than most Mother's and Son's. I realize your need for "Adventure" and finding your own way in life; I did it too! I just hope and pray that when you're ready to settle down, you'll do it closer to home!
I Love You more than Anything and Everything!
Mom
Monday May 17th, 2010 1:30 p.m.
Hi Vin!
When I read back in this Diary, I feel ashamed. I really put you through a lot in the past 8 years. Between my physical ailments and my Bi-Polar Depression, you've really been through a lot of up's & down's with me!
I want to take this time to apologize: I am Truly Sorry!!!
I pray you'll be able to forgive me and allow our relationship to move forward from this point on.....
I really wish all these positive changes that have taken place in me over the past few months, could have happened years ago! But, I'm working on only looking forward now. I have so much to live for and look forward to, that's my focus now!
I so look forward to your finding the perfect Woman for you and your Wedding, if you so chose to go that route. I can't hardly wait to become a Grandmother! I'm going to think positively and believe that someday you'll return home, to this area, so we can be close in a whole new and wonderful way!
I've recently taken up Photography, (purely amateur stuff,lol) It gives me a Peace I've never had before! I can't wait to take tons of pictures of you and your future family!
God Bless you, Son!
Please know that I'm always with you in spirit!
All my Love,
Always!!!
Mom
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